The Dress That Broke the Internet; or What's Truth Got to Do With It?

The Little Dress That's Creating a BIG sensation!

Unless you've been living in a cave without internet over the past few days, you have no doubt heard about "the dress that broke the internet."  Celebrities from from Kim Kardashian and husband Kanye West, to Julianne Moore and Jimmy Fallon have all weighed in on the "true" color of #TheDress which has alternatively been perceived as being blue and black or white and gold.  

Perhaps you, like I, have marveled at how many people had a need to express their opinion, their rightness, on the color of an off-the-rack dress worn by the singer at a wedding in Scotland.  What really struck me, however, were the millions of people who not only felt compelled to express their opinion on social media, but the attachment those millions had to other people agreeing with their perspective!  Even Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong was drawn into the debate, posting on Facebook that the "colour we see depends on the context in which we see the thing." Exactly!  

Like most things in relationships (and life, in general), most "truths" are seen through the lenses of context and perspective.  For example, there have been many scientific explanations for the perception of differing colors of #TheDress. And so it is in more personal interactions as well, where people's backgrounds and experiences vary as vastly as their truths / their perceptions.

Perhaps for her, it's no big deal if she's running half-hour late.  It may even feel controlling to her that he makes such a big deal about her calling to let him know!  To him, however, who waited hours every Sunday morning for a father that rarely showed up, that half-hour can feel disintegrating.  From an interpersonal neurobiological perspective, he's no longer the competent, confident, grown-up husband. He's now the sad and insecure little boy, afraid his father will never show up.

So who's right?  Everyone!  All perspectives are true to the perceiver.  All are equally valid, based upon one's past experiences and thoughts about any particular subject.  So how do we settle a disagreement about whether the dress is blue and black or whether it is in fact a big deal to call if you're running late?  

Well, one way to deal with it is to simply shout your perspective the loudest, like the record-breaking millions of people on social media who expressed their opinion. Everyone it seems, had an opinion which they believed was the truth, the one and only right answer.  Actress Mindy Kaling felt so strongly about the rightness of her opinion, that she chose to use capital letters and profanity to get her point across on Twitter, stating "IT'S A BLUE AND BLACK DRESS! ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME."  Recent Oscar winner, Julianne Moore disagreed, responding, what's the matter with u guys, it's white and gold."  Did that virtual shouting match assist one or the other in seeing the other's perspective? Do you think their next post would be, "Oh ... thank you for pointing out the error of my ways.  Now I see you were correct. [I think it was the profanity and capital letters that did it!]."

And the other way would be for each of us to accept the reality that each person is entitled to their own opinion, feelings, perspective, way of viewing his/her world -- and that accepting that perspective as valid for that person, in no way threatens our own perspective.  Let's try to internalize the real truth, that just as we are not the same human being as any other person in the world, neither are our perceptions about our respective worlds.  And that's OK.